Infosession: A Breakdown of ASUC Parties

Many readers may not be fully familiar with the party systems in place. Six parties dominate ASUC politics and two of those parties are able to command the most votes. Each party is egregious in its own way but some are more egregious than others.

Student Action: The current party in power, Student Action has dominated ASUC politics for the past 10 years, with a short unsuccessful exception in 2003-2004. It exists upon a philosophy of "benefitting all students", ironic because this is exactly what it doesn't do. The party is known as a "moderate" party because of its rejection of communist revolution. Its odd alliance largely comprises of mainly Jewish, White and East Asian voters, Greeks, environmentalist hippies, dormitories, oddball progressives and conservatives. The strangest alliance is with the conservatives, who are told "vote for us because you have no choice" (we'll get to that in a second), even though Student Action has never benefitted conservatives. Under the "moderate" coalition in 2004-2005, this was one of the first times the Berkeley College Republicans got less funding than the Cal Dems. Student Action representes the most voters but never acts upon its campaign promises. It embodies the principle of resume-building for its senators, executives and countless brainwashed interns. They elect only good-looking candidates, most of whom have no backbone, and are true politicians. The girl seen prancing around in a miniskirt with too much makeup giving guys kisses on Sather Gate is always elected. The guys all look somewhat similar in different ethnicities wearing their fraternity pins, single-colored buttoned shirt and will awkwardly try and talk to you if they see you at a fraternity party, pitching their campaign slogans even though you're extremely drunk and the music is blasting Lil' John and the Eastside Boys. They will use any means necessary (any I really mean by any means!... more on that in the near future) to be elected or advance in power. They are told not to take any stance on issues but to "agree and disagree with you and once I'm elected I shall possibly impliment whatever ideas you have, but in order for that to happen you should list me as your #1 vote choice."

CalSERVE (Cal Students for Equal Rights and a Valid Education): The most powerful minority party, CalSERVE is the oldest ASUC politica party, originating in 1986. It is staunchly progressive, and its philosophy is social justice. Because it professes that it only benefits the underrepresented students at Berkeley it is somewhat narrow-minded, with a reputation of being hostile to many groups on campus, among them some groups that traditionally support Student Action. Rigidly controlled, CalSERVE senators are forced to vote with the party line in fear of being liquidated or sent to a Gulag. It appeals to underrepresented minorites (Blacks, Latinos, all 5 Native Americans), overrepresented Filipinos, progressive Whites and Asians, and Graduate Students. Slightly more honest and candid than Student Action it loses its appeal because it targets certain voters and communities. Strangely, it has been recruiting many ethnic moderate libertarian/conservatives (Justine Lazaro, Ashley Thomas) and Jews (Max Besbris) in an attempt to fight back attacks of being racist and bigoted. Of the senate candidates who are elected, all of them are extremely attractive and hot; of the executive candidates elected all of them are extremely unattractive and ugly (go to ASUC history to see what I mean). A few of their male members have resorted to physical violence or the threat of physical violence on the senate floor.

Bears-UNITED: A disgruntled third party created last year with honorable intentions, to make the ASUC more financially accountable. Each executive vows to give up his or her $4,000 stipend and give it back to the students. Unfortunately, no executives from Bears-UNITED have ever been elected due to many similarities to Student Action (2003-2004), or the perception that its head was crazy (2004-2005). Kind of like a libertarian party, it was able to indirectly elect senator Billy Wang, a liberal evangelical Republican to the senate for a third term, his first term with Bears-UNITED. He was, in reality, piggy-back riding on the party to get votes.

SQUELCH!: The Squelch! party's platform is a reform platform with humor. No one takes this party seriously, even though they manage to get a senator elected (Ben Narodick) every time. If this party were able to unite behind a few goals, like Abolishing the ASUC they would get more support from the student body.

DAAP: Defend Affirmative Action Party's goal is to defend affirmative action (duh!) and overturn Prop 209. It has acted upon its promise by doing nothing and waiting out for conservative African-American regent Ward Connerly to outlive his term. Somewhat closed-minded but noisy, its membership comes solely from BAMN and strangely has a senator in the senate who is among a group of overrepresented students (Yvette Felarca). It successfully sued the ASUC for $15,000, which in effect screwed over students at the cost of some vague notion of principle. The infamous ethnic studies major Hoku Jeffrey used to be a senator for this party as a seventh-year undergraduate, seven years on top of the two he did at community college. Their amicus briefs were somehow cited in the Sepreme Court decision Grutter v. Bollinger, proving that Sandra Day O'Connor had nothing better from which to craft an argument for diversity than a bunch of graduate students who make a career out of serving in a student senate as a vehicle for social change.

Berkeley College Republicans: A conservative group, this group is able to either elect one or two senators into the ASUC or get pretty damn close every election. Their senate candidate is the next in line if a senator drops out. Their influence has always been strong, but nevertheless a fruitless cause in a liberal university. At least they have a political party unlike the Cal Dems. They are always sold out to vote for Student Action executive representatives and like to stir up trouble on the sidelines. Like the National Republican Party, they don't stand for very much in general but like CalSERVE are somewhat honest in their intentions, even if ideologically centered and um, intolerant.